right and left brained.

Still will I harvest beauty where it grows: 
In coloured fungus and the spotted fog 
Surprised on foods forgotten; in ditch and bog 
Filmed brilliant with irregular rainbows 
Of rust and oil, where half a city throws 
Its empty tins; and in some spongy log 
Whence headlong leaps the oozy emerald frog. 
And a black pupil in the green scum shows. 
Her the inhabiter of divers places 
Surmising at all doors, I push them all. 
Oh, you that fearful of a creaking hinge 
Turn back forevermore with craven faces, 
I tell you Beauty bears an ultrafringe 
Unguessed of you upon her gossamer shawl! 
- Edna St. Vincent Millay 
 
I think this poem accurately articulates my perspective on life. 
 

When Lindsey felt like writing something.

In the beginning, there was God.

In the beginning, there were people.

In the beginning, God and people didn’t get along.

In the midway between beginning and now which is to say perhaps if you’ll not contest it, the end (is there ever ending?), God and people still don’t get along.

It rests upon the question of why.

No, what.

No, how.

No, because.

What is humanity’s greatest end?

Who the hell is humanity? I am X. I am a student, a lover, a friend, a teacher, a piece of dust on the side of the road, a singular not plural individual human. It matters. I am not, cannot be, will never be, and never was all humanity. I am a white middle class American. Who am I to answer what humanity’s greatest end is? Who’s to say it stays the same? What about him? Her? HIM? That guy across the continent? The world?

But it says, the Bible says, no Jesus says that I should

Love the Lord with all my heart, soul, and mind.

My mind is not wholeheartedly loving, so how can I love with all of it?

My heart is an organ, pulsing blood and defying the symmetrical valentine’s day ready for the breaking open and waiting for Cinderella or her prince or her princess to come in and define who I am kind of heart.

My soul. Some people call it my gut but they’re fooling themselves, guts are guts, just like hearts are hearts. Some people call it conscience, but isn’t that just a euphemism for soul? S-ou-l. S is serpent like, slither slide slip succumb suck sip syringe sin. S is for secret. Ou is for open space, deep feeling (like in Shakespeare, that great O!), Ou is the reason alone feels so lonely, ou is for okay, own, old, hollow. Ou starts at the back of your throat with a push and ends softly on my almost closed lips. L. L has a lot to say to me: loser, liar, lackadaisical, laugh, lily, listen, lick, liver, lump, life, love. Put it all together and what do you get? Secret open randomness. Is that the soul? Maybe. To love God with all my secret open randomness.

If everyone is their own secret open randomness: known and unknown, unfinished and foreign; and Jesus says to love God with that (plus an imperfect mind full of old Pythagorean theorems bildungsromans memories and a bloody mess of muscle),

Then…

If, in the beginning, there was God. And there were people. And there was imperfection. Then, I think, Jesus says to love God with imperfection.

Which is me.           

Does he deserve me?

Another question for another thought collection.

But I can’t say I find the demands unreasonable.

Seems as though inherent in the recipe of God plus man is a bit of disaster a bit of eccentricity and a bit of love through those polka dotted impressionistic watercolors of my life.

In the beginning, God and people didn’t get along, but they learned to see the beauty in each other’s eccentricities.

A Moment to Breath

Quite a lot has happened since I last posted, dear friends!

I have travelled to Stratford-Upon-Avon, Paris, and Barcelona! I feel like a world traveller - having been to such iconic cities and done some things that take my breath away when I simply say them... what a privilege! While I don't exactly like the English tradition of the Grand Tour, I can understand why a young person such as myself should traverse the globe. The cultural differences between modern London, touristy-but-quaint Stratford, perfectly-poised Paris, and colorful Barcelona have left my mind reeling and my camera full of pictures (over 600 I think!).

In Stratford, the home of the illustrious Shakespeare himself, I took classes in RSC history, make up/wigs, voice, and Twelfth Night at the Shakespeare Institute in addition to attending a master class with James Fleet - Sir Andrew Aguecheek in the current produciton of Twelfth Night at the RSC's Courtyard Theatre. I heard endlessly about some production of Midsummer Night's Dream where the company had real rabbits run across the stage in an effort to create *REALISM*. I also visited Shakespeare's Birthplace where I walked on floors Shakespeare walked upon and listened to oddly descriptive monologues from a man quoting Hamlet's cat. I visited Holy Trinity Church where Shakespeare himself is buried with his wife, Anne, and saw his famous bust above the grave. I even saw his birth and death records along with one of the first folios of his complete works. Truly astounding.

One afternoon and evening was spent visiting Oxford and seeing the worst show I've honestly ever seen - Days of Significance - which did not, thankfully, spoil the charm of Oxford. Now, for the Scrippsies reading this, you think we have a beautiful campus? Oxford takes "dorms like palaces" to a whole new level - because they are really castles! The sheer antiquity of the buildings draped with autumnal leaves as the backdrop young men in cable knit sweaters discussing literature is enough to make any academic's heart just die... I wish I had had enough time just to read a book in this place.

After all this I went home, emptied one suitcase full of clothes for another, and woke the next morning ready to catch a train to Paris! I'll end this post here for now, but promise to post about Paris and Barcelona and life since then! Enjoy some pictures from Stratford and Oxford...

~Lindsey

I'm going to be busy for the next two weeks...

Homework:
- Read Henry VI Parts 1, 2, & 3
- Memorize part of Olivia from Twelfth Night in Act III Scene I
- Write a paper concerning the depiction of Lavinia from Titus Andronicus in film
- Write a paper exploring how the Moscow Arts Theatre and Stanislavski influenced Chekhov's writing
- Construct a hypothetical production of Much Ado About Nothing that explores the patriarchal implications of the text, and then "pitch" the concept to a "producer," aka my directing teacher
- Read Long Days Journey Into Night
- Research American traveling vaudeville theatre, prepare a presentation on this topic
- Read Death of A Salesman
- Work on my ideas for directing two scenes from Amadeus
- Record thoughts on Twelfth Night at the RSC and Days of Significance at Oxford in my theatre journal

Miscellaneous To Do:
- Eat "best" cupcakes in London
- Explore Portobello Market
- Eat Sweeney Todd meat pies on Fleet St and generally be an obnoxious tourist and wantonly sing songs from said musical
- See The Author at the Royal Court
- Make homemade enchiladas with Sarah and Amanda
- Go to church at ACL before I leave for...
- Trip to Stratford-upon-Avon & Oxford with school from Tuesday - Friday next week where I will attend lectures, classes, and plays and
- Trips to Paris and Barcelona from Saturday - Friday!
- Buy too many books and souveniers at the Royal Shakespeare Company gift & book store
- Enjoy the mystical season known as "autumn" that I have always known existed, but have never experienced
- Humbly contemplate how blessed I am to be here and doing all this

It's Been a While, Hasn't It?

Hello family and friends!

I haven't forgotten you! or dropped off the face of the planet! or been whisked off to far away places without internet access! I am, in fact, just busy with school and friends and homework (surprise surprise).

Quick Update:

School: It's great right now, the workload is getting easier and easier as I get into my school groove and get everything figured out. I got to do a Juliet monologue in my acting class, and I absolutely fell in love with it. I just rekindled my love for acting, really. Emily Bruni (my teacher) is so amazing. Other than really disliking my directing class, academia remains as it always has to me - intriguing, stimulating, and challenging. I do miss Scripps a TON though.

Theatre: I've seen so many shows! The last few have been Judgement Day (Van Horvath), Vanya (Holcroft), All's Well That Ends Well (you-know-who-or-you-better-know-who), Love's Labour's Lost (see previous parenthetical author comment), and End Game (Beckett). The next few on my list are: Othello, The Author, Category B, and the The Sleeping Beauty Ballet. I absolutely love going to see so much wonderful art! I mean, even if it's not very good (cough cough All's Well), it's such a great learning and cultural experience!

Travel: I've got my fall break week all planned! I'm going to Paris saturday-tuesday and then Barcelona tuesday-friday! I am so excited to be traveling to these amazing places. I can't believe I'll get to go... I'm sure my update after that week will be really long!! :P

Other Anecdotes:

So, one day I said to myself, "I'm going to walk to school while practising my monologue! I've been here a month, I don't really need to pay attention to where I'm going, right? right!" So, feeling confidently local, I set off walking as I always do except without paying much attention to where I was going. About a half an hour in, when I should be ambling through Regent's Park, I look up to find myself next to a small church and day care center in the middle of a neighborhood. hmm. I look around again, and the only person I see is a little old lady. I walk up to her and ask her to point me in the direction of the park. She replies, "Crikey! You're miles away, you'll never get there on foot now! just call a cab, here let me show you where to get a cab... hehe oh my girl, what a mess you've made of the way!" or something like that. Although, she really did say crikey, which made me very happy. Did I mention it was raining this whole time? Well, it was. I hail a cab pretty easily, and the nice driver tells me I'm by Paddington Station, which is like the opposite way of where I wanted to go. How I got there, I have no idea, but get there I did. About half way through the ride, when I know we're getting close, I reach to get money from my wallet. My hand fails to find the soft leather wallet I make a point to NEVER forget, because things like this might happen! Well, of course, I realize instantly that the wallet (and my keys) are in my other purse sitting on my bed at home. Panic alarm goes off. I quickly informed the driver that he could just let me out and pint me the rest of the way or something, but he, very sweetly, agrees to drive me the rest of the way for free. Who knew london cabs were so good-hearted? Moral: Don't think you know where you are, even if you think you do. You don't. Especially in London!

A few nights ago, I was washing dishes in my flat alone while listening and singing along to The Carpenters (classy, I know). I had in my hand our sponge, and was cleaning the inside of this glass cup when all of a sudden, a piece of the cup broke off and totally attacked me! I had (have) a huge cut right above my knuckle on my right index finger, about on the joint and many other little nicks here and there from the glass. The cut was deep, and so there was blood everywhere. Being home alone, I relatively calmly grab a bunch of paper towels and remember to turn off the stove (I was boiling potatoes) and get my purse and go to the flat next door ... where I promptly started crying and finally panicking a little. One of the guys I know who lives there got up and called me a cab and got me over to the ER really quickly (Thanks Alex!) and made sure I was okay. After waiting for 3 hours in the ER, I saw a triage doctor and a real doctor, I got xrays done to make sure no glass was stuck in, and some "sani-strips" - which are like little strips of strong medical tape to hold the large gash closed, because stitches on a joint are kind of useless - especially when it's my right hand index finger and it gets used a lot. The wonderful thing: all this was free! Socialized medicine is a very nice thing when you're a student in a foreign country! It's all healing nicely, and now I'm out of dish duty for a good while! :P

That's all I can think of to tell you today, but I'll try and remember to post more often!

~Lindsey

Simple Things

The presence of the sun here in autumnal London is rare. Or if our daytime star happens to make an entrance, it is covered all too quickly by gray, unfeeling, homogeneous clouds. Days like today are truly glorious, then. I don't know if I have ever really felt that word, glorious, was more appropriate. The sky is clear of clouds, piercingly clear. The sun is given free rule of the sky, its warmth mitigated only by the cool wind, blowing just enough to make me hold my light sweater tightly to my body as I walk to class at 8 AM. The air smells fresh and the people I pass are all on their way to work or school or home, all in a hurry. It readies my mind - observing all around me and soaking up the energy on this weekday morning.

At school, we happily push the huge windows open and light streams in over the roofs and chimneys and church spires into our beautiful classrooms. The sun seeps into the whole room, sparkling off the honey-colored hardwood floors. We talk of set design and line endings, expressionism and revolutions. A hornet enters in on the discussion and angrily flies into the ceiling, attempting to break back into the air and the sun and the green life outside. I too, am lost if for one moment I contemplate the beautiful Regent's Park outside, just beyond the thick walls of 14 Gloucester Gate and my 2 hour class.

Finally, our lunch break is here. Three free hours. I get a small whole grain roll and some brown rice and seaweed from Whole Foods to go with my apple. I venture into a small cafe, advertised as having good prices, great food, and homemade jam. The latte I order is the best coffee I've had so far in my three weeks in London. Now this day can't go wrong. Lunch is a picnic with Wedekind's Earth Spirit and a friendly tree that lets me lean on its trunk and enjoy the warmth of the sun at last. The grass is dry even though it rained last night, and the lawn is bare except for myself. As I settle in to my little spot and begin to read, I can't help but contemplate where I am. I'm in LONDON for pete's sake! This little spot of grass is part of Regent's Park, one of the, if not the, loveliest park in London. London. The land of Charles Dickens, the Bronte sisters, Tom Stoppard, Harold Pinter, and SHAKESPEARE! and I live here. here. this is my life, for now. I can no longer take the grass or the skyline for granted, for though this city has stood and will stand for centuries, the time I have here is fleeting. Barely enough time to figure out which way to look when I cross the street and what a real traditional English pub is like. I must not live in London, I must live London. For I may never come back.

The play is finished and it is time to head back to class. Surprisingly, I feel ready to engage in discussion about one of the oddest and most mystifying plays I have ever read. It's the sun I tell you, it works wonders on a weary mind. I am blessed to live here for this short time, and I will not forget it. I will cherish the sun and I will live to praise my Lord for who he is and what he has given me in this life. I can do no less.

~Lindsey

I'll Shish Your Kabob! Wait.... what?

Weekends are my cooking days... Last night I made a version of macaroni and cheese (a penne-cheese-onion bake), which was a delicious rendition of one of my favorite comfort foods. Today, I marinated mushrooms and chicken in a home made teriyaki sauce and then combined with veggies and rice to make amazing shish-kabobs! It was my first time creating a marinade and my first time ever cooking mushrooms, since I hate them. But my flat mates are vegetarian and love them, so I just pretended I knew what I was doing - and voila! deliciousness!

I think this dish is definitely going to have a permanent rotating slot in my Weekend Recipe File. It was SO tasty!

Here are some pictures of the colorful creations: